Sinned

Today is really not my day.. Everything doesn't seem to goes well for me.. Can say that my leg was injured after the serious leg cramp 2 nights ago.. Haiz.. cannot walk properly.. Have to limp when walking stairs... haiz... tie3 guai3 li3... haha... Then got splatted by oil.. haiz.. And the 'lizard' accident.... haiz... Bad day... Just a bad day.. Should go pray pray one day liao.. haha...
Go to school as usual.. Then went to FJ for lunch.. Ke Lian de mic, her slipper was "confiscated" by WK.. Walked outside Fj one leg bare-footed...Then went to WSS to continue with my electronic dual dice.. Aimed to finish connecting the circuit by today.. But failed.. haha.. Instead, i and Mic eat cadbury chocolate secretly.. As if we've done something wrong.. haha..Then kpo de Wk and SL wanna know, keep 'fan' us to tell them... Haiz... mic and i revealed something then they took my bag and search for it... They Saw the chocolate... and something... haiz... embarassed... hehe...After that, i continued with my project... so serious... still hoping to finished it by today.. But, i'm too slow to finish it... So, i shall continue it after common test ba.. hehe...
After Wss, we went home.. On my way home, I'm thinking about something and did not notice what's on the floor.. I walked and walked and walked... Opps.... Almost fall!! Lucky, i'm able to balance myself.. So i turned and looked what causing me to fall... OMG...... I saw something slimy, flated and wriggling on the floor... OMG...... Disgusted..... IT"S LIZARD!!!!!!!!! A "LIZARD PRATA"!!! I've killed a lizard... SINFUL... SO SINFUL... "a mi tuo fo" I didn't mean to step on it.... Haiz... Why must it die because of my carelessnes... Haiz... I've killed a living thing... Sinful....I reached home and told my dad about it... He said it's not my fault... It is its time to go to its world.. I'm just helping it... I also told my friend about it... He also said it's fated for it to die this way... and ask me not to blame myself... Haiz... How is it possible... If it's not my carelessness, it will not die.. Sinful... Just hope that its family don't revenge for it... Otherwise i'm dead.. haiz...
Just have to admit that i'm having an UNLUCKY DAY~~

BOrinG

Just confirm with friend to watch Happy Feet this sat.. Haiz... Feel kinda wierd... Don't dare to go.. But since i've promised, then go... Must not say one thing, do another thing... Not good... But must try go out with new friends... Cannot always limit myself with only these few friends... Must learn to go out with friends... I must improve myself de... Cannot always stays this way.... haha... So this sat, busy... haiz... Vexed...

Ignored

Just finished reading something... Feel very depressed.. I just hope that they'll forget me... Ignore my existence... Since my exixtence=nothing/no difference... Maybe feel so not confident.. I know for everything to happen, it's caused by me.. Or 'built' up by me.. It's not something i want it to happen.. But since it had happened, I hope all the memories will be erased.. Though this may not matters them, but, it matters to me... Haiz.. Cos' i don't want them to remember my existence... maybe by this way, i'll feel better...(hope so)...

Pasar Malam

As usual, went to school and hoped lessons will end earlier.. hehe:P But today my hair got 'tortured' by wk and loon.. haiz... My hair spoilt le la... They put so much wax and so violent to my hair... haiz... I don't want them to be my hairstylist(if they gets to be one day).. hahah... Otherwise my hair will die in their hands.. Lucky, i just washed my hair cleaned, and treated... Now my hair is quite soft le.. hehe:P And i hate centre parting... Very ugly... yucks.. Don't do that again... haha..

Then after school, i and mic went to Pasam Malam. And i bought steamed peanut, tapioca cake and tea egg... Total spent:$2.50(intended to spend $2 only de) ... I can't control my money these few days... Yesterday also overspent my money.. haiz... Not only cannot control my money, i also cannot control my diet... haha... Keep eating and eating... haiz.... 'Puberty' age.... haha...
But don't worry... I'll control de... From tml onwards... I try to control ok? (ps: haiz... I hope so... hope i can control) Mic... i'll control de... tml i won't go pasar malam again le... hehe... wanna bet?? But dun "sia" me.. okok?? hehe:P

Apologise

Just now, around 1.30pm, Sisi called me and asked me to go out with her, jo and juz... Haiz... Bad Bad me.. I rejected her 'invitation'.. Sorry Si,Jo and juz. Don't angry me... hehe... I really lazy to go out today... Will try to ask you all out... okok... try only huh... hehe:)

My New Blog Skin!!

Is my new blog skin nice?? i spend for about 5 hours to make this very simple skin... Such a failure.. haha.. But at least i've changed the skin... Which look more mature than the previous one.. haha... But very sad... I forget the passwaord to log in to the cbox and have to create a new one.. haiz... all previous tag message is gone... sad....

Must listen to the songs i put ok? hahaha... so nice... hehe...

Ok.. Shall just end here le... Wanna rest le... My eyes tired after looking at the screen for 5 hrs... haha... remember to tag!!!

Bad post

Today, after 1010 lab, we skipped 1222 lecture and went to j8 to watch FLUSHED AWAY. OMG.... It's nice!! The slugs are cute... I love the way they sing... haha... cute cute cute...

Haiz... broke le... I've spent more than $50(<$70) this week... The worse thing is, i don't know what i've spent on!! The money just 'disappeared' like that... Haiz... This month really used up alot of money... Just recieved my bill... Shocked! i used 600++/500 msg... haiz... have to pay $5++ more... die le la.... I'm worried for this coming bill... if i'm not wrong, i've used 200 msg less than a week.... sianz...

ok... stop here le... somebody is pestering me to shut down my com... haha... cos she wanna sleep le... that's is none other than my sis... haiz....

HAPPY!!! YIPEE...

Yeah... Brother is back from Australia for Army Training.. Yeah...
I miss him alot.. Cos It has been a long time that i last seen him... He has become fitter and tanned than before... Shuai ge eh.. haha.. My bro veri handsome one lei... haha... Yeah... Must celebrate for his return from Australia.. hehehe....

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Extra...
Haiz.. i think i've got amnesia... I wanted to blog about today and yet, i can't remember what has happen today.. haiz... i only remember yj, hl,del, mic and i chatted at coffee bean and laughed about somethings... haiz... i'm dead... i'm still young and my memories failed.. haiz... pathetic... hehe...

Idiot Post..

I really shouldn't start my day wrong... I feel so so so idiot!! So so so unhappy today... No one provoke me... It's me, provoke myself... Forget it... Just give up in everything... Forget everything... But, it's not easy at all!! Friends should forget me... Treat it as there's no me.. I'm such a failure to be someone..

OMG!!! What happen to you, June?? Why? What happened?? Don't feel so bad... Haiz.... Changes... I hate changes!

Today...

This morning, when i took bus to school, i saw this ah ma alighted the same bus as me.. She's old and weak, so she walked very slowly. She was accompanied by a indonesia maid. Which both of them speak a complete different language.. How are they going to communicate? Why did i say so? As the maid was paying the fare via coin, the bus driver asked her where they wanna go.. Saddening, i think the maid does not know where is the ah ma wanna go. She wanted to ask the ah ma.. But she does not know how to speak her language. So, the maid asked a uncle to translate for her... I was thinking, why this ah ma is accompanied by maid? Why not her children? Is it that she does not have one? Is it that Her children don't want her? Is it that her children are too busy to accompany her? Will my parents be the same as her when they grow old? Will i have time for my parents in the future? Or, do i have the longer live to take care of them? What if i leave earilier than them? Haiz... Forgot to add something... While the ah ma is taking out money to pay for the fare, i saw her taking out alot of $50 in her hand.. I'm so worried that some baddies saw it and might rob her.. She's old. She does not have the strength to fight back... Haiz...

I alighted bus and walked towards school... OMG!! I hate sun out of sudden... Maybe i've heard from sis that sun will cause freckles.. I was so afriad that i'll have it.. No! I don't want..

Btw, what happening to me? Why am i getting more and more self-conscious? I asked mic.. She say it's good.. Means i've grown up le... But, i'm really not used to it.. It's not me... From hating putting on make-up to love putting on make-up... Damn it... I hate such changes... Though it look good... Haiz... I want to be baby... Can i be one? Haiz... I can't go back to the past.. So how? admit it ba... Just carry on and take good care of my face ba.. haiz... Ultimately, i must grow up one day de right? Accept the facts....

DISGUSTED!!

Today, mummy, sis and me went to tampines to shop for baby's shoe.. Once i reach there, i needed toilet urgently. so i went in to a coffee shop and use it's toilet... Waited outside for awhile and a auntie come out. Then i faster go in and close the door... OMG!!!! when i turned around, you know what i saw... It so damn er xin... Shit were all around the toilet bowl.... PUKE!!!!!!!!!!!! I faster run out of the toilet feeling totally, 100% disgusting... Haiz... Lucky i'm a type of person who will look before i sit... Otherwise i dunno how long will i going to take to clear up the mess... omg....

Lazy...

I'm so lazy to post my trip to ubin yesterday le... Cos, i dunno how to say about the whole trip:P

I only know that my muscle ache, and my shoulders tanned until very uneven!! so ugly... haiz.. regret wearing that shirt.. haiz...

Overall, about the trip, it's fun and tiring... Hope to have another trip there, to eat!! haha...

................

It has been the long time i last post le... Haiz...

This week, i'm really not myself.. Keep talking and playing... Maybe my cheerful soul came back to me.. haha... But it's leaving soon le... It just left me... My muumy scares it away.. She shouted at me.. For no reason... I just don't understand what is she trying to say and she got frustrated... Haiz... She not scolding me, it's only i'm not 'fu qi' that she shouted at me suddenly! haiz... And this was how my cheerful soul left me....

Maybe it will not come back le... And again, i may be keeping quiet from next minute onwards... I really hope it won't leave me... I like this type of me... Though it's quite noisy.. hehe...
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Over-used my message!!

I'm so worried that my bill will shoot up for this month... If i'm not wrong, I've sent almost 200 message in 5-6 days... OMG!!! So worried sia...... Maybe tommorow i'll recieved my bill le... Hope it'll faster send to me.... So that i'll have 500 more message to use.....
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My Cheek!!!

My cheek got pinch by loon and wk today... hurmp.... ke lian de me.... They just jealous me for having such a cute cheek... (puke) hahahaha...... WK, Loon, don't jealous me le la... it'll not do you good de.. opps........:P
hahaha...

v.v Bad day v.v

Feeling very guilty for the whole day.. Cos' i didn't help much in the project. And, unable to go out to teach friends maths(cos my eye swollen:( ).

Once i know i'm in the wrong, i always can't help feeling guilty and start to reproach myself... I really don't like myself, for not allowing myself to get involve in anything. There's a saying, "Learn from your mistake". It's a simple sentence, yet i can't learn from it... i just repeat the mistake... I did remind myself about it. But... haiz... Maybe it's a way that i'm brought up from?? haiz.... Too pampered le ba..... Why am i the youngest, who always received love from family? They protect me which make me can't learn to protect and care for others... Maybe, this is so call self-centered ba... haiz~~

I'm so unlucky today.... Just now, while i'm waiting for bus, my hand was "corrupted" by a smelly bug.. It's really damn smelly... Just like the smell of dead fish!!!! YucKs!!!! Disgusting... The worse thing is i accidentally crush it!! my PALM!!!! It's so disgusting.. Feel like vomiting!!! iT's 1000000% disgusting!!!!! I don't know how it got onto my palm.. as i'm carrying my file, which it's impossible to land on my palm unless it flew..... OMG!!! It's like so embarrassing when i'm in the bus.. The smell is really that strong that the auntie sitting beside me smells it.... OMg!!! What a idiot day!! Beside that stupid smelly bug that "rot" my day, my eye also swollen... haiz... Maybe the poisonous gas by the solder iron went into my body, that cause my eye swollen.... Haiz.....


WHAT A STUPID DAY!!!!

__Feel so Lousy, Simply LOUSY!!___

Go to school as usual today... Haiz... I think i have no more mood to study anymore. I just could not think and absorb what i had learn all this while... Sad... Suddenly, I'm feel so useless. Like today, we got programming lab test. I just could not think how to write on the code.. I'm just copied from here to there... Such a failure... Also, when we were discussing about the innovative proj just now, i could not help to think of the solution.. I did not do anything much.. I feel so guilty... Stupid June!! My eyes could actually feel so uncomfortable when looking at people for too long.. The feeling is like looking into the checked shirt for too long and cause giddiness.... Haiz... Maybe i'm just too unable to associate and chat with people... How will my future be?? I don't my future to be 'destroy' by my stupid attitude.............................

Maybe, i don't have brain at all... Then, what am i?? Haiz.. What will happen if i go to work next time? Nobody will employ me. I'm too dependent on other people... I don't have my own thoughts and views.. I'm just following what other people said.. I want to change, but i don't know how to start changing... haiz.... Go and Die la June!! Idiot!!

Overall, i feel so tired and useless today(or even everday).. Maybe i have not been sleeping early for days?? Haiz... Shall end here le... I should sleep early today... Good Nite!!

A 5 years old boy is in love with a 17 years old girl.

Yesterday, Jo and Si came to my house to study Maths. I'm sorry that i can't help much... Sorry...

They are so blur! I stayed at 6 storey and they went to 5 storey, knocking at my neighbour's door. They were so lucky that nobody was at home... Otherwise they might be so embarrassed. haha...

To SI and JO;
Remember.. I stay at 6 storey, and not 5:) haha..

They came at around 4pm. Then we went to market to eat lunch before we study...

Jo was so bad.. She bullied my doggie:( She "RAPED" him by taking off his shirt and use it to cover its eyes:(

Around evening, my nephew(jian an) came... He's in love with si.. He even called Si as Mei Mei(puke:D) Keep pestering her while she's eating.. And doing things that attract her attention... I and Jo was laughing like hell.. haha..
Eh, Si, accept him la.. Since he 'loves' you so much.. haha...

After eating and laughing, we went back to my room and study.. We are so tired by then... Forced ourselves to wake up... Too bad.. we can't.. so at around 12am, Jo and Si went home....


PS: Si and Jo, Jia you!! don't give yourself too much stress... you can make it de... Jia you.....

Link on effects of drinking coffee.

Just found this webbie. Let those who drank coffee everyday knows about it.
http://www.mcvitamins.com/Health%20Opponents/Coffee.htm

OH NO!!

Eh, just realize that I have not study my programming techniques. Oh no… i don’t have the C# software. My computer can’t save it. Haiz.. tomorrow die…

++.... BLOATED..++

We just came back from Allson Hotel (celebrate xiao huai dan birthday which is in 7/11/2006). I guess I don’t need to “jian fei” already. Cos’ i ate too much le, especially all those fattening food.
Let me recall what I ate today….
Morning- Chu chang fen, yam cake, roasted meat.
Afternoon to evening(buffet at Allson Hotel)- 2 cups of ice-cream(chocolate, peppermint, durian), cakes( 2 mini éclair, 1 mini mango cake, 1 mini brownies, 1 mini chocolate cake), 2 plates of main course( bee hoon, black pepper chicken & mussels(*yummy) , sweet and sour fish, vegetables) , 2 plates of salad( thousand island sauce, tomatoes, potatoes, corn, long beans)

OMG!!! So fattening!! FAT!! But, it’s ok, Once in a while. Tomorrow then I “jian fei”. Haha.

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++… TODAY’S CELEBRATION …++

Set off and head towards hotel at 12pm. First, we stop at toa pa yoh, to fetch 2 of my eldest nephew and niece, ah Wei and ah feng. Then continue our journey to hotel.
Reach there about 1 something and everybody couldn’t recognize me!! Haha. All of them said I’m prettier!! Yea... *puke*(I don’t agree with them of course, I’m “zi4 zi1 zi1 ming2” de hor:p) and I stole baby’s limelight. Everybody was finding me to see my changes. Haha. I’m the main character of this party. Haha.

And my 2nd auntie embarrassed me in front of my cousin! She said “June ar, Ni jing tian hen mei lei (me: puke). Rang wo bu ting de xiang kan ni lei (me:puke). Ke yi xuan nan pen you le hor. Xuan Anthony (her eldest son) kor kor la. Haha”
kaoz! How can she say this? I’ll feel so embarrassing! Especially both of them (auntie and her husband) really got the plan to match me up with my cousin. Ya, my cousin is a good person. But I won’t want to have such complicated thing. Kaoz… OMG OMG OMG….

After that, I started eating and chatting. It’s time to sing birthday song and cut cake @ 3.30pm. During this period, it was like so “leng chang”. Almost everybody was eating and chatting while birthday song was played. My sis was like so “gan ga”!! She was standing in the middle, carrying baby, while the staff played the birthday song. The scenario was like my sis was celebrating baby’s birthday alone, no other people beside her! The kids were watching how my sis blows the candle. OMG! So incorporative sia. I wanted to go and stand beside her and help her to make the place livelier but, I’ve no guts to go forward. So “mei you yong de”. That’s what about most of the Singaporean. We don’t take the initiative to do something. Haiz. “Ke lian” de baby, sis, and bro-in-law. Their plan to celebrate baby birthday was failed. I also “ke lian” my bro. he was unable to attend today’s celebration cos’ he need to fly to Australia for re-service. Sad. Miss my bro a lot.

After that, cakes were distributed to us. It’s chocolate mousse. It’s yummy!! I love it.

After that, we (my cousins, ah Wei and me) chatted. We were shocked by ah Wei. He’s only primary 6, and till now, he stead 3 times le. So pro! And, to us it’s too young. He even said that his currently stead is his true love. OMG!! How can he determine who is his true love at this age. Haiz. Kids nowadays are so weird. Can say that we (my cousin and I) were too conservative ba. Haiz. He’s only 12, got 3 stead. I? ->0. Lose to a young kid. Failure! But, I don’t care. “Wo bu xi han!” Maybe I can break the record in my family? Haha.

__Just a post__

Just listened to music while doing innovative project. And, I’m listening to a jap song. It’s nice. It’s soundtrack of a show “ye man shi jie”. A very sad love story. And the song title is "TEARS". I’m finding the lyrics of this song. But I only found the chorus of the song. The chorus is:
“lonliness, your silent whisper, fill the river of tears through the night, memory, you never let
me cry, and you never said goodbye, sometimes our tears blinded the love, we lost dreams along
the way, but i never thought you trade your soul to the fates, never thought, you leave me alone,
time through the way had set me free, sands of time will keep your memory, love everlasting
fades away, alive within your beatless heart, dry your tears, with Love”

It’s a real nice show and song. Watch or listen it when you are free:)

___GOOD NEWS___

Mum is alright. After the scanning and taking blood test, the doctor confirmed that mum did not have stroke. The doctor did not specify what causes mum to be so weak. And can be discharged tomorrow. Although it’s not stroke, the doctor advised mum to take care and not to treat it as it did not happened or will not happen. As the risk of it reoccurring is possible. Thanks god.

__WISH MUMMY IS ALRIGHT___

Today is another unhappy day for me. My mum was admitted to hospital. It was her second stay in TTSH within 3 years. The doctor confirmed that my mum got a mild stroke, and she is needed to stay in hospital for further observation for 1 week.
She’s so weak today that she does not have the strength to walk on herself (according to my sis). The doctor has done a simple test on her which make him/her confirmed that my mum had a stroke yesterday.

__UNFORGETTABLE INCIDENT__
Her last stay in TTSH was due to the blockage of her arteries. She was supposed to do ballooning (which can expand her arteries, allowing the blood flow smoothly, to avoid heart attack). But, she did not want to have the operation as she wanted to take care of my baby nephew. Also, she hoped that she could be cure without operation. And, indeed, her arteries are quite cleared after taking medicines.


This was what it happened few years ago which let us know that she got heart disease.
We were having dinner (jiat tok) at a place near the temple. While we were “yam-say-ing”, my mum fainted suddenly which really scared me. It’s lucky that my brother was sitting beside her and managed to hold her to sit on the chair. She fainted. I was so scared and afraid that something was happening to her. I almost cried. I was so panicked that I tremble and my fingers were icy cold. My dad’s friend, who was a gi dong (who is a person that god go into his body), went in to the temple and took some incense powder (which believer believe that it can protect us from harm) for my mum to drink. While he was taking it, my bro’s girlfriend (Jiex2) took medical oil and helped my mum massage so that she’ll feel better. And there’s an auntie keep instructed and helped jiex2 to massage my mum’s hand and head. I was so stressed that my mum can’t stand the noise( which she will be more dizzy) and I shouted “keep quiet! Mummy hate noisiness!” and I ran away with my tears flowing out. Though I know that that auntie mean good, but I can’t stand someone doing something that mummy don’t like at that time. I called my sister, crying and saying that mum fainted. I just couldn’t stop crying. And my sis didn’t understand what I was talking about. She only knew something happened.
After few minutes, they (my bro, jiex2, dad’s friends, my uncle, cousin) found that I’m missing and looked for me. My cousin and dad’s friend found me. They told me that mum was alright and they are heading home. I didn’t listen to him and I’m jumping, crying and scolding that they bluffed me. Then, my dad’s friend shouted at me that mum was alright and we should go home immediately. Only then, I understood what was him talking about and followed them home.

I still could not stop crying, just walked alone and listened to disc-man with full blasted. I just hoped that it’ll calm me down. We had reached home. I quarreled with my brother. We shouted one another fiercely. And again, my dad’s friend stopped us. I ran out of my house, sat at the staircase. My cousin followed me. He consoled me. Told me that mum was alright and don’t worry anymore. Ya, I knew that mum was alright. But, I just couldn’t stop crying. Once I cried seriously, I need at least half an hour to stop. Half an hour later, I stopped crying and went back home. My godfather (dua ya pek, a god that went into my dad’s friend body) came (last time my house is sort of temple where god will come every week to solve mortal problems). He asked for me, also consoled me not to cry. He told me to tell him what happened to me. I couldn’t tell. Cos, I’m still could not stopped crying. He also told me that my mum is alright. I’m convinced. After that I apologized to my bro, and my bro apologized to me too.

Next day, my sis brought mum to TTSH for check up. And doctor asked mum to stay for observation. And this is how we know she got heart disease. That few days of her stay in hospital, I was like ‘wu jia ke gui’ stay at jiex2 place, sis place, slept alone at home for some days (my dad was working overnight during that period). Rush to hospital after school. Stay at hospital till night, when sis fetches me home. These were how I led when mum was hospitalized that time. Feel so worried, homeless and tired. I’ll never forget this incident.

And again, she’s hospitalized now. I’m again, so worried. Can this be the last stay? I don’t want anything to happen to her again. She’ll be very tired and painful de. No please. Illnesses please leave my mummy alone. Don’t find her again. Don’t let her suffer please. I beg you!!

___A GOOD AS WELL AS A BAD DAY___

Today shall be a short post as I am very tired now. After this posting, I’ll jump into my bed and sleep: )

You know who I saw today? I saw HIM! He was walking in front of me. Then I noticed something that made me quite happy. He wore the watch that I’ve given him on his birthday (which was last week). At least, I get to know that he did not throw the present that I’ve given him. And make me feel that everything is worth it.
The watch really suit him a lot. Although the design was simple, and quite ugly, but at least, he didn’t throw it away. I do hope that he’ll like that watch…

Today is not a good day for me after all, though I’ve saw him. Cos’ my mum fall sick, it’s quite serious.

The doctor suspect that it’s stroke(tomorrow will know the real thing after the scanning).
I’m so worried about her. I don’t want anything to happen to her. If something happen to her, what should I do? I love my mummy more than anyone else. I really hope that it’s not stroke. I don’t want her to suffer from any Illness. I just don’t want it to happen. Otherwise, I’ll hate myself for life( shall elaborate why she’s so weak next time).

I shall end my post here first. Will continue tomorrow… Zzzzz.. so tired to think more things le. Still need to complete maths tutorial for tomorrow.